Show, not Tell

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The Perfect Query

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As promised, here is the Perfect Query (PQ) for Query Tuesdays. If you don’t remember the formula, check back to last week’s post!

Without further ado:

Melinda Melin

Melinda Melin, The Five-Year-Old Vampire

Dear Mister Miss Agent,

Melinda Melin was five years old when a vampire saw her playing in the park on the swingset. The vampire was very thirsty and desperate, and Melinda’s blood was too sweet to pass up for the starving monster. Not only did the vampire take Melinda’s life and soul, it kidnapped her.

Sir Douglas Froyd is an ancient vampire, one of the very first vampires to ever exist. No, it wasn’t Dracula; the very first vampire was his older brother, Herald Froyd, who shared his discovery to his unknowing little brother. They were both turned and with their new abilities, started molding a dark and deadly world.

Five thousand years later, Douglas and Herald had a fight tried to kill each other. It could’ve been merely sibbling rivalry, but Douglas and Herald had both ruled the vampire world together–and not here wasn’t room enough for them both anymore. Douglas was thrown out of the vampire world and Herald ruled alone.

Over the next thousand years, Douglas hid from the vampires. He struggled day to day to simply survive in the shadows and on the blood of animals. Then he spotted her. A little girl with blood sweater than sugar. He had to take her, and he did.

He raised her to succeed him, because he could tell the vampire community was stirring. There was rebellion in the air and he wanted nothing to do with it–but the vampires wouldn’t care what he wanted. He shared all of his memories, and therefore himself, with the young girl. This way, he would continue to live within her and his brother, dead or alive, would never know the difference.

Five hundred years later, Melinda is still the vampire’s assistant. She goes out nightly and procures a new speciman for her vampire master. They drink together and then her master relives his days to her verbally. Then the unthinkable happens and he dies.

For a hundred years, Melinda doesn’t know what to do with her new freedom. She still looks five, but she’s over six hundred years old. She had thought her master was kind of like her father and now he’s dead. She continues her life as if he was still there, until a group of vampires come knocking at her door.

She answers sweetly but she knows that she can’t hide her master’s rotting body. The smell is too strong. Not only the decay, but his pure blood. They tell her that she became the successor to his legacy because he shared all of his memories with her; now his memories are hers, and he is living inside her.

MELINDA MELIN THE FIVE YEAR OLD VAMPIRE is a 160,000-word YA paranormal action adventure novel about a young girl who has to cope with growing up and maturing despite her young appearance. It also follows her as she takes on her late vampire master’s will and takes up a position in the vampire council. The book is mysterious and dangerous and shows a secret and hidden world where vampires are majestic and ruthless. It’s like The Da Vinci Code, The Golden Compass, and Twilight wrapped all into one. I could add wizards and it’d have a touch of Harry Potter in it too.

Melinda must be strong when she realizes the vampires aren’t really welcoming her into the council to play nice and fair. They’re actually waiting for her to make a mistake and kill her. They hated her master, and now they hate her.

What is she going to do?

I look forward to hearing your answer. This is my first novel. I’ve been writing stories since I learned how to type and I haven’t stopped since. I recently went on a road trip and found inspiration in Forks, WA and decided that I could try to get published. I hope you love this book as much as everyone else loved it!

Sincerely,
Melinda Melin

P.S. My cat died yesterday and I don’t think I can take a mean rejection, so I’m begging you to just give me good news. My father also owns a gun and we have your agency’s address. He doesn’t like seeing his princess cry!

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Written by Jessica Lei

September 28, 2010 at 6:00 am

Posted in Humor, Queries

2 Responses

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  1. “I could add wizards and it’d have a touch of Harry Potter in it too.”

    HAHAHA The whole query is genius. I think wizards would really take this book from good to GRREEEAAAT! (Like Tony the Tiger). Actually, you should add Tony in too. He has a great personality, and hell, he’s a tiger. What agent doesn’t like tigers??

    Elena

    September 28, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    • You know what?! That is a fantastic idea. I might have to rewrite this query. OR maybe I’ll just make another book! Yes. I’m a writer and that means I can never have too many book ideas πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      Jessica Lei

      September 28, 2010 at 8:25 pm


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